What makes you cool at NPC

To start, I apologize to readers with ADD for this long post, but if you can concentrate and focus through the whole thing it will be very worth while. - Thank you, (VoiceofNPC staff).

I have gone to NPC for quite a while (7th-12th grade) and I have casually been observing what makes you socially acceptable at NPC or in simple terms what makes someone cool. I have shrunk it down to "the short list" to make it easier for people who are less cool to get back into their groove.

Anyways, at the top of the list is if you want to be cool you absolutely have to drink excess amounts of energy drinks. Let's face it, if you are walking around with the Monster BFC in your hand broadcasting that you have just had a pound of sugar and an overdose on caffeine diluted in water, you're pretty much baller (use this term often in your quest of coolness.)

To continue off of that, (coolness works in chain reactions), after downing your energy drink of choice, maybe even two of them, you need a way to broadcast all your newly found adrenaline. The good news is that there are two ways to do this. The first way: go lift weights in the weight room, because the more you can lift, the cooler you are. (Also, Gold Club T-shirts make you instantly cool, feel free to stop reading if you are a member, for this advice you don't need). Reminding people that you can lift more than them also boosts you up the cool ladder just as a Gold Club or even Royal Club T-shirt does (GNC products and steroids help). The second way to release this adrenaline, without strenuous activity, is sitting in your beater car and listen to music at obnoxious sound levels. Also, to do this, one further step must be taken. All this music (if it can be called music anymore), has to be played through crappy speaker systems not designed to be used in cars. Also, the older the better: it's more BA that way, believe me. (Examples include stereos from your room plugged into your car as well as stereos that were the music centers of 80's living rooms work the best.) Finally, another helpful hint to burn this new adrenaline off is to make sure you have a friend in the car with you.

The last piece of the short list is in order to be cool, one must be gifted in the area of articulate speech. No, I am not talking about debate or any other form of forensics, but rather the art of talking smack, being cocky, and being a master of put downs and come backs. It's true, nothing is worth defending if it can't defend itself, so the art of communication is key. For instance, it is necessary to find conversation that applies only to your level of cool, and if someone who isn't as cool as you tries to talk to you, make sure you "gently" remind them of their place. Take the senior class for example; they are virtually overwhelmed by the number of cool people in their class (no sarcasm here).

And then on the opposite side of the spectrum. . . . you have the junior GUYS, which have more than their fair share of problems (don't get any ideas about tee-peeing us over this one; you will regret it).

But don't worry there is still the potential that the seniors will take you under their wing as apprentices.

Well there you have it everyone, the short list on how to be cool at NPC. Hope this all works out for you.

P.S. I have to accredit this post to Michael Wiersma