Random post: I'll sell your stuff on ebay

This is a totally random post and has nothing to do with NPC, but I figured since I have a blog with millions of views per day, it wouldn't hurt to make a little announcement on it.

Starting today I will be selling your stuff on ebay (assuming you want me to... or I could steal it I guess).

I figured that with the tough economic times everyone could go for a little extra cash.

So tell all your friends and family that if they want to sell something email me at: cusackalex@gmail.com.

Thanks.

P.S. This is likely the last post I will ever do on a topic like this.... unless I think of something really extraordinary that I feel you should know about.

PDA, quickly becoming a major issue at NPC

I, for one, am completely and utterly disgusted by the immense amount of PDA that has been going on between classes. And I'm not just talking about your everyday eye contact, this stuff is the real deal.

Our school has become so morally corrupt lately that it has become an every day occurrence for me to see people patting one another on the back in the halls, or giving someone a high five , or what Johnny Delong is notorious for doing....the ever- scandalous "thumbs up."

Initially these things went on un-noticed by me, but it wasn't until Mr. Anderson pointed it out the other day by saying, "I know you think its just Christian fellowship, but its actually a little bit more than that," in regards to Benham hugging Melissa ( in the middle of the hall no less, I mean seriously, get a room) that I realized it had become such a problem in the halls of our school.

In my opinion, I think as a school we should all try practicing abstinence. I realize many of you don't know what a big word like that means (or at least you pretend to not know... Johnny, put your thumbs down, way down).

And for those of you that truly don't know what it means, I'll try to break it down for you like you're a five year old.

Abstinence- the equivalent of not sitting at the same table as someone of the opposite gender (a big word for sex) during recess.

So basically what this means for all you high schoolers is no more of those, high fives, or slaps on the back. In fact, until I think you guys can handle it I think it is appropriate to place a ban on all eye contact. So either wear sunglasses, or keep your head down.

I'll be watching.

School Board nearly cancels best part of being and senior.... Rumors of a possible Christmas cancellations as well

Some undisclosed board members, we will refer to them as "The Man," thought it was a good idea to set literally unattainable qualifications for senior exam exemptions. They are also considering removing Christmas break on account that it is, "too much fun". 

  

The new rules are as follows: 

1. Maintain an 85% or higher 

2. No more then 3 EXCUSED absences......... So forget about college visits. You had best just look them up on Google Earth.  

3. No more than 2 tardies per class, per quarter. 

  

 Now, seeing as how the average senior achieves roughly 1.7 tardies per day, and skips at least one class per week, these qualifications are far from attainable. 

  

While they're at it, they should have limited the number of yawns to 2 per class and the number of "extended blinks," (sleeping) to 2 per day. 

 

 These qualifications are about the equivalent of writing an illogical phrase on Mr. Hofman's white board, and leaving him with no erasers or markers to fix it.... And we all know that it would only be a matter of time until he spontaneously combusted from shear frustration. 

   

But don't worry, there is a light on the horizon. 

  

   

A certain student (yours truly) refused to take these changes lying down and marched directly to the office (which he is also an employee). 

After "knocking a few heads together," the matter has been resolved and seniors can continue to live out their dreams. 

    

Although, the same cannot be said for Christmas... there are rumors that Santa is prepping a special elf "sting team" to take down " The Man." 

   

 

Note: My editor is currently on vacation so....... 

NPC jumps into the 21st century

Well, many of you may have noticed all the new and flashy technology that has been popping up all over school. We now have projectors in class rooms, so I guess that means no more stealing the bulbs from the over heads to postpone class. 

I briefly interviewed Mr. Anderson who says he is refusing to take that step into the 21st century. He was quoted saying, "I was born in the 20th century and I'll die here. And there's nothing you can do about it". 

  

T.V. monitors all over the halls are relaying important information like, "there will be 5 days of school this week", "Sticking all of the freshmen's heads in toilets is not only mean but is punishable by law"... and most importantly, "You are required to go to all of your classes."

  

Also, there is a peculiar bulletin board at one end of the senior hallway that flashes, "Happy New Yea__r" (the "R" doesn't show up at first and is always in a different color) in as many different way as you can think. Apparently, whoever is in charge of that thing doesn't realize that the new year is approximately 352 days away.  

And just a little side note about that one; there is the possibility of a cash reward for the first person leaving a comment with a detailed description of how to change what it says. 

     

So keep your eyes peeled for more 21st century technology popping up around school. There have been rumors floating around of teachers getting Segways. But it is still unconfirmed. 

Voiceofnpc officially endorses Santa Clause

The voiceofnpc staff has officially come to the conclusion that Santa Clause does in fact exist.

It is virtually impossible that the same parents that have given us curfews and chores could also be responsible for staking all those remote control cars and barbie dolls under the Christmas trees.

We decide that the reason that so many parents have so avidly worked to convince their children that Santa isn't real is that they want all the glory for the great gifts.

Also, by making us think that they put the gifts there, they have the power to "take away our Christmas presents" if we are bad, which I have been threatened with on multiple occasions.

Just a word of advice to all of you, don't worry about your parents' empty threats of "canceling Christmas", Santa and his elves are an unstoppable force that no parents can stop no matter how hard they try.

And if any ever tries to convince you that Santa is a lie, here are some facts that prove his existence: (Santa apologetics if you will)

1. Notice how small the screws are on all the toys, obviously they were made by elves.

2. Notice how your parents open the flue of the fireplace before bed, or make sure the back door is unlocked.

3. Parents always seem very surprised/shocked by the gifts you open, clearly they have no idea what your getting.

4. There have been multiple accounts of people seeing reindeer flying, though the government quickly, and quietly "eliminates" all who witness these events.

5. He has an 800 number.

312-924-3730 the voiceofnpc wish list number is 1077791

P.S. This is likely the last post until the end of break, unless something real extraordinary happens.

Like Northpointe, Michigan's tax plan doesn't include snow plows.... Leaving thousands stranded

So if any of you stuck around school long enough today, you may have noticed an unprecedented number of people walking around with pizza boxes.

Well, allegedly what at first started out as a minor detail that was ove looked, turned into one of the biggest party fouls of the 21st century.

What happened was that the lunch crew conveniently forgot to let Little Caesars know that there is no lunch this week.

Now this brings another question to mind.

Why is it that on the worst week of the year they choose to not only take away all our fun by giving exams, but also think its okay to take away our food. Last I checked over 50% of humans require food to survive.

So how exactly do they expect us to pass exams, on material we never covered (see previous post), while our stomachs are literally eating themselves from the inside out?

I can just see it now, the teachers are all sitting around a table in the teachers' lounge, which is a suspiciously over protected area (Mr. Curtis stands in front of the door between classes... literally every single day), all placing bets on who is going to break down into tears in the hallways, and who is going to be the first to either pass out or die in class from exhaustion.

Lucky for us we were able to beat the system and many of us actually were given pizza (when I say given I mean a charge of $3) It was a last day's ration to prevent many deaths on the final exam days; my guess is they don't want to deal with the paper work.

And all you suckers who thought NPC was giving you a great deal on pizza, think again. As it turns out, they got the pizza for free and then sold it to us so they could add money to the betting pool.