Lunch ladies force students to shed pounds before Thanksgiving feast

It is too early to tell how deep the scandal goes, but initial reports show that the entire lunch crew is in on it. Today marked the beginning of an  attempt to force students to "shed some pounds" before Thanksgiving.  The idea is to maintain our school body's athletic appearance, by limiting the amount of food intake in preparation for the weight they will gain over Thanksgiving break. 

Recommendation:

Start packing your own lunch.

More to come.